Slang'd Angel's Blog: 2005-06-19

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

On A Personal Note

Greetings to you..my friends, my Angels and LepLovers...
Today I feel compelled to post a personal entry in my blog to set the record straight for the ones I love. Please bear with me and forgive me for dragging my personal sh*t out into Blogland...I feel I have no other choice.
It has been brought to my attention on numerouse occasions that my DefLep obsession as well as my occasional "LepLusting" on my own Blog as well as others is becoming detrimental to my personal life. Because of these comments & my explanations for them being taken in vain and with disbelief I am hereby defending myself once again.
I apoligize if something I truly enjoy and sometimes use as my escape from the everyday bullsh*t in life has been offending a certain person in my life. This was not my intention EVER...and no matter how hard I try to explain it or attempt to prove that my actions are simply meant in fun and totally innocent..I am forever accused of the opposite.
YES...I love DefLeppard...YES...I think Phil is an amazing guitarist and an attractive man...they all are!! For most of my teenage and early twenties years ...truth be told, I had it BAD for Joe...that does NOT mean, however, that even given the opportunity I would EVER do anything with ANY of them (physically or otherwise) that would cause permanent damage to my personal life. My oggling and ranting on this blog site and others, as well as personal conversations with my dearest friends are ALL IN FUN..."GIRL TALK" if you will and nothing more. I know that I shouldn't speak for everyone... but I know for myself....I would never & could never take it any further then a simple flirtation with any member of the band. YES..that includes Mr. Collen!!! I don't meant that to insult anyone...I'm not saying that any of my friends would or are wrong for feeling differently. So please , don't misunderstand me.
This is me we're talking about and I know myself...Iknow my heart and I know where my loyalties and passions lie. And they dont belong to a certain blonde haired englishman. They belong to a hot sexy italian who I am have been hopelessly in love with for some 21 years!!!
Again...I apologize for dragging my personal sh*t out here where it probably doesn't belong ..but...I don't know what else to do. I feel helpless and hopeless in my plight to defend myself.
In a world of personal turmoil, family illness, over abundant stress, teenage suicide, teen angst, learning disabilities, overbooked work schedules, dis-functional family issues and the list goes on and on...I'm sorry if my form of escapism (on any level) has hurt or aroused any doubt of where my loyalties lie.
I tend to be a bit obsessive and overly romantic as well as possess an over-active imagination. Which may not always be a bad thing..as my novels have shown. (If they go anywhere that is?!?!?) The hopeless romantic .vs. the overly logical is a war that I feel cannot be won and its killing me.
I am an emotional, sometimes irrational, passionate person...I am a woman afterall...and aren't most of us the same??? My soul cries out for acceptance and attention for the unique person that I am...not for critism for what I am not or the times I fall short. My love for my husband and my children runs deeper than anything I've ever known and regardless of what happens in life...I would NEVER betray that or forsake it!
I'm just so tired of having to defend myself and my actions when they are solely meant in jest! What is so horribly wrong with being a 40 year old housewife who gets to be a 20 year old girl that chats & obsesses with a few friends every now and again. I don't necessarily wanna grow up and I def. don't wanna get old...so if I don't feel it or look it...why should I? I'm not trying to hurt anyone and my conversations were not meant for anyone else but my fellow obsessors & friends to view. I am not running off with anyone...I'm not a groupie...I'm just an over-zealous fan! ! This is what I enjoy...its "my place" to just hang out & be young again,, to somtimes be the person I don't get to be on a daily basis. It's a great place to visit...but I don't wanna live there!
Again...my Friends...my Angels and "Moms" and "Wives"...I sincerely apologize for my ranting. I just dont know what else to do...or where to turn....how to make my explanation fall upon understanding ears that will truly HEAR and not just
listen! I hope you all understand where I'm coming from and don't think me stupid or crazy for this entry...If you know how I feel or can sympathize...please let me know. I'm feeling pretty alone right now and lost!
Thanks for listening...I promise next time I'll be alittle more upbeat!!
I appreciate your friendship, compassion and understanding!!!
Love & hugs to you all....
LISA

Words for the day: (No Lepps today...Sarah speaks instead)..."Heaven bend to take my hand and lead me through the fire...Be the long awaited answer to a long and painful fight. Truth be told I tried my best but somewhere along the way...I got caught up in all there was to offer..But the cost was so much more than I could bear...
Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up...better I should know
So don't come around here and tell me I told you so...
"We all begin with good intent, when love is raw and young.
We believe that we can change ourselves, the past can be undone.
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals.
In the lonely light of morning...in the wound that would not heal.
It's the bitter taste of losing everything I 've held so dear....."